this diamond turns into a boy at 3 o'clock in the morning. And dammit, it happened every time. The problems arose, however, on the second day of the Resort when Janie discovered to be missing a "$250,000 pearl." It was not her favorite, or anything like that, but you know how the Insurance Companies are when there are so many strangers around. Naturally Janie didn't suspect any of the other girls, but the Insurance agent insisted on a daily inventory after that. They threatened to cancel her policy but Sally's brother is a lawyer and wouldn't permit it. On the last day of the resort, Janie came quietly into the bedrooms of both Mary and Sheila, with her jewelry chests and offered them each a bauble to be remembered by. They were, of course, grateful and moved by her generosity, but gracefully refused. Many was the balmy evening that we sat admiring Janie's gems, and wondering what fascinating and remarkable tales she could tell about how she came into possession of each of them. But upon being asked to reveal some of these secrets, she would only lower her eyes and whisper, “One day, perhaps."

During the week we sat aside one afternoon to critique each other's make-up, walk, posture, etc. Sheila gave some excellent pointers on posing for photographs, and walking. Sally offered some suggestions on the use of eye shadow and whitener, Clarice fixed Connie's wig, and did Karen's hair really beautifully. She also pierced Karen's ears. Then it came Sally's turn for cosmetic help. Sheila suggested, "Why don't you cut about eight inches off those legs." Sally was shattered, (after all she had been compared to Lauren Bacall) but tossed her head and asked Sheila if it were true that she had been thinking of doing something about a slight lump in her nose? Sheila replied that she had, so Sally said, "If I were you, I think I would have my teeth fixed first." "Women ARE cats!"

Naturally we had some difficulties. . . Mary used plastic balloons of some kind as falsies and as she would go under-water, her boobies would pop out and race with the surf toward the beach. She solved that problem by letting the air out and filling them with water. But then while walking along the beach their weight caused them to slip through her loose fitting swim suit to the ground. Janie's falsies were foam rubber but they also would pop out. She solved her problem by asking Clarice to make a batch of those funny biscuits in the shape of falsies, but fortunately Clarice took it as a joke and didn't make them. I say fortunately because, although I am certain they would have been water- proof, they would have caused Janie to sink to the bottom like a rock.

We had our first annual "Miss TV America" swimsuit competition on a day when no one was present to serve as judge. We were all con-

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